Does My Cat Hate Me?

We cats can be mysterious creatures. Unless they are well versed in cat language, humans have a hard time reading our emotions. We show signs of affection and attachment in a different way from dogs and humans, so it is easy for us to be misunderstood. That’s why someone may observe the way a cat is behaving and think they are being judged, or even worse, that the cat dislikes them.

So let’s examine this, starting with the one most important fact:

Your Cat Does NOT Hate You!


Or at least, there’s a 99% chance that they don’t hate you. You cat could have a lot of other things going on. They could be scared, stressed out, traumatized, sick, new to your home, or new to you. So let’s see what really may be going on with your cat.

Make Sure Your Cat Isn’t Sick

One thing you should rule out right away is whether your cat is ill. A few signals would be if they:

• lash out when you touch them in certain places, and they’ve never done that before.
   
• are hiding and refuse to come out for hours
   
• are sitting in a hunched and uncomfortable position
   
• are peeing or defecating inappropriately. While this could be a sign of behavioral issues (that have nothing to do with hating you), it could also be a sign of illness.

So if your cat is showing these type of signs, a veterinary visit is in order to see if there is something medical that needs to be addressed.

The New Cat

If you’ve recently adopted a cat, especially one that was rescued from a situation where they had little contact with humans, or that contact was negative, it may seem like they don’t like you. But that’s not the case at all. They are scared on several different levels:

They are in an unfamiliar environment. Whether they’ve been taken from somewhere they were comfortable; somewhere stressful, like a shelter; or a situation where they felt threatened, your cat has no idea what to expect. And they may be expecting the worst. They don’t know what this new place will bring, and cats are suspicious and afraid of the unfamiliar.

You are unfamiliar to them. If your cat is new to you, or you’ve had limited contact with them, they probably won’t warm up to you right away. This goes especially if your cat came from the streets, is feral or semi-feral, or was in an abusive situation. It will take time to build trust with most cats, but especially these guys.

Cats that are scared will have this type of behavior:

• They will hide from you and shy away from your touch.
   
• They hiss at you and may try to swat you if you approach them.
   
• Their eyes are dilated, they won’t make eye contact, and their ears are pulled back.
   
• Their tail is curled tightly around their body.

If your cat is a new adoption, you will have to give them time to become familiar with you. Yes, some cats will be friendly right from the start (I was!), but most will want to check you out, learn your habits, and make sure you won’t do anything unexpected or mean to them.

The best idea with these cats is to give them space and let them approach you. Many years ago, when my human brought home Boodie, she was semi-feral and hissed at people. So she put her in a room all by herself for a week. The only contact with living beings that Boodie had were my human, and a couple of times, her then-boyfriend. She came in, fed her, scooped her litter box, and spent time playing with her. Boodie liked fishing pole style toys because she could have fun and still keep a distance from humans.

After a week, she felt it was okay to let her roam the house…and she promptly hid behind the washing machine for several days. She did come out, but only when no humans were around. Eventually she did settle in. While she was never a cuddly cat, she made it clear that she considered herself a family member, and even slept on the bed with the humans. As an older cat, she was even friendly around strangers.

My human just let Boodie be herself, and never tried to force herself on her. And that’s the key with any cat. You may have expectations of what you want from your cat, but you shouldn’t. Your cat will reveal their own personality in time, and chances are it will be different and more special and unique than what you had envisioned.

The Cat Suffering From a Traumatic Experience

So you brought your cat home from the vet. Worse yet, you have to give them meds. Or you accidentally stepped on their tail or paw. Or they knocked over something that broke — loudly. And now they won’t come near you. Something has happened to damage your relationship with your cat, and now you’re convinced they hate you.

Don’t worry, they don’t actually hate you. But yes, something has happened to make them afraid of you. And if it’s because of something you are trying to do to make them feel better, or something you did to hurt them that you didn’t mean to, you probably feel pretty badly about it.

After a traumatic experience, a cat may:

• Hide from you (yes, this seems to be a running theme). Especially when they think you may do whatever it is that traumatized them.
   
• Shy away from your touch.
   
• Be unpredictable — one moment, it will seem like they’re returning to their former selves, and then suddenly shrink back into their shell.
   
• In the case of giving meds, they may fight you by struggling out of your grip, biting, scratching, or screeching.

This type of situation is really hard on a human because before the incident, things were fine with your cat, and now it’s the opposite. And as is always true with cats, it takes time for them to learn to trust again. The important thing is to be gentle, let them be, and otherwise behave as if nothing happened. They will start coming around when they feel it is okay to do so.

This could be a minor situation. After a trip to the vet, maybe your cat will hide or sulk for a few hours but be back to normal by dinnertime. Or, if your cat already had trust issues or is semi-feral, it could be more serious. If your cat hasn’t come around within a few days after the incident, or after you’ve finished the course of meds, you may want to consult with a cat behaviorist. And if there is a medical condition that is also being addressed, keep in close contact with your veterinarian.

But What If Your Cat Just Doesn’t Seem to Like You?

So your cat runs away every time you approach them. They are friendly with other people but give you the cold shoulder. They won’t sleep with you at night and don’t like it when you pet them. Or maybe they even swat at you when you try.

Your cat doesn’t hate you, but they do find you annoying. And you can fix that!

A cat that is annoyed:

• Self-consciously groom themselves after you pet them.
   
• Lash out when you pet them in places they consider unsafe, like the belly, base of tail, or feet.
   
• Hold their tail out straight or low when they see you, instead of the upright friendly position. They may also flick their tail back and forth.
   
• Walk away from you when you try to interact with them.
   
• Their ears go into the airplane position when you try to touch them.

You need to reset your relationship with your cat. Perhaps you behaved a certain way towards them because that’s how you were around other cats and they were fine with it. Or maybe you didn’t know better. Each cat is unique and relates to humans in different ways. Some are outgoing and friendly with everyone. Some only are friendly with a few people they know well. And some prefer to be admired from a distance.

In your case, it’s likely you expected your cat to behave in some way that isn’t natural to them. So step back and learn who your cat really is. Observe them and see what they like and dislike. Sometimes if they enjoy certain types of toys, or they are treat motivated, you can use those as the first steps to get back in their good graces. But only after you’ve really gotten to know your cat first.

You can’t have expectations of your cat. They will fail every time. When cats are given the space to be themselves, and you respond to that, you will be surprised at how affectionate and devoted they are. On their own terms, of course.

And lastly…yes, it is possible that your cat really does hate you! Like humans, sometimes cats can be rubbed the wrong way by someone’s personality. But it is way less likely for a cat to dislike you than for another human being to dislike you. Cats don’t judge you on your political beliefs, the way you dress, or your culture. They just judge you by who you are around them. And on very, very rare occasions, they don’t like what they see, hear and smell. And I’m almost positive this doesn’t apply to you.

I hope you found this helpful! If you’ve had an experience with a cat that didn’t like you, let’s discuss it in the comments.

Here are some ways you can improve your relationship with your cat: